WWF, Late 90's
Poor Mark Henry. I mean, you want to talk about
rough, no one in wrestling has had it rougher over the past couple
of years than the big man from Silsbee, Texas. Not only did he
have a silly nickname ("Sexual Chocolate"), not only
did he have an affair with an elderly horndog (Mae Young), but
he also had the privelege of groping a transvestite.
Mssrs. McMahon and Russo must have really had
it out for this guy.
Anyway, the storyline here was that big Mark
had been persuing Chyna for weeks. He started coming out on national
TV talking about he and Chyna had done the nasty.
Oh yeah, so not only did all that other horrible
stuff happen, but he also had to pretend to be infatuated with
Hmm...Chyna or MaeYoung. Kinda like deciding
between getting hit in the head with a frying pan or having your
fingernails ripped out with some rusty pliers.
So after weeks of denying it, Chyna came out
and said that she and Mark HAD been sleeping together all along.
Heck, Chyna even introduced Mark to her girlfriend Sammy.
And so after a grueling match in which Mark suffered
a low blow at the hands of Terri Runnels, Chyna had Sammy head
to the back to Mark some "special attention."
Cue the Skank Cam, as Mark and Sammy fondled
each other's naughty parts. Mark reached down to get him a little
somethin' somethin', and...
...found out that
Sammy had a weiner!!
Hahahaa...get it? Her/his name was SAMMY, like
SAM! And SAM is a MAN's NAME!
Whew...they don't write comedy like that anymore
Mark went to bathroom to barf his lungs out.
Hey Mark, while you're in there, take a big whiff.
Smell that? That's WrestleCrap, baby!
Of course, Chyna revealed all this in front of
a jam packed arena, with Henry's mother in attendance. She grabbed
her baby boy by the hand, and led him to the back to give him
an earful. My guess is that she told him never to fondle a shemale
Words to live by, kids.
Today, Henry is honing his craft in Ohio Valley
Wrestling (OVW), the WWF's farm system. The WWF sent him down
there to lose some weight and gain some experience. From my brief
encounter with him (I managed him at an OVW show in Indiana),
he appears to be progressing nicely.
And in an era when others won't put anyone else
over or complain about angles, you've got to think a guy that
did all the stupid stuff the WWF asked him to do without complaining
has a pretty good chance of making it back to the big leagues.
Sammy: "How's my ass feel,
Mark Henry: "Ooh..tight!"
- Assorted sexual sounds
Mark Henry: "OH SWEET
JESUS! YOU'VE GOT A PENIS!!"
Sammy: "That's why
they call me 'Sammy', baby!"
- Sounds of vomitting -
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